Dennis Vetrano of the Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC in New York has been practicing family law for decades—from child neglect cases to child custody and divorce.
Working in varying parts of family law, Vetrano sees many couples at the end of their marriage, and he has noticed a common theme.
“Then you have the husband, he’s working a get-by sort of job, and not really wanting for more. But despite this, those stereotypical domestic activities that women historically did, women are still left with those.”
Divorce rates in the U.S. reached a peak between the 1980s and 1990s and have been in gradual decline since. The divorce rate is currently around 2.5 per 1,000 population, according to the latest available data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
“Stereotypes have hugely shifted. Women are out there, working full time, killing it in high power careers, but the responsibility for domestic responsibilities that used to just be left with women, they’re still not even 50-50. Women are doing it all,” explained Vetrano.
A paper by Soraya Seedat and Marta Rondon published in the British Medical Journal in 2021 explored the burden of unpaid work on women. Seedat and Rondon note that globally women undertake three times more care and domestic work than men.
This unpaid labor includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, childcare and taking care of elderly or sick family members. But it is the burden of these tasks that is causing more marital issues, said Vetrano.
“We know that percentage wise, women file for divorce more than men,” he said. “I think it’s just a matter of when you reach your breaking point. For many people, the final straw is something relatively innocuous, but everything has built up over time.”
When he isn’t working on cases, Vetrano shares insights into the world of family law on TikTok under the handle @drvlaw. With videos gaining millions of views, people want to hear what he has to say.
“I want people to know what I’m seeing so they can fix it before it gets there,” he said. “People will say I’m just trying to get clients, but it is because I don’t want it to get to that point. We will always have so many clients, and I’d much rather do mediations than a divorce.”
What is the best way to keep a marriage healthy? Vetrano believes it is all about choosing well.
“I think that is especially true for women,” said Vetrano. “So many indicators give women a timetable to find a husband, get married, have kids. But it is important to pump the brakes and take the time to choose well.
“Believe in yourself and know you are valuable. That you deserve the Holy Grail of spouses. If you’re on the right page from there, it’s a good starting point,” he added.
After choosing well, it is all about introspection. “I think it’s good for human beings to go through a constant level of self-evaluation,” said Vetrano. “Thinking how good of a friend am I? How good of a dad am I? How good of a boss am I? When that’s not happening, that’s when things start to fall apart.”
